My lifestyle before this past year was extremely social. However, the majority of that revolved around extravagant dinners and constant cocktails after long nights at the office. I was eating whatever I wanted, often ordering an appetizer before my meal and dessert afterward. On top of that, I’d consume three, sometimes four or five glasses of white wine. Eating was something I did with abandon. I felt like I was perpetually hungry, even after I’d just eaten. I’d make excuses to attend fancy dinners and partake in all the culinary splendor New York City has to offer.
On quiet nights home, I’d cook for myself, making decadent recipes from cookbooks to try to enhance my culinary skills. Looking back, those portions were enough for two or sometimes three people.
I never exercised, and I made excuses to avoid going to a workout when others invited me along. Sometimes I felt motivated and started walking consistently each day, but I always went alone. That way I could make it easy. Eventually, people stopped asking me to join them.
I hated my life and how I felt. Worst of all, I had absolutely no sense of self-worth. I was unhappy in almost everything, especially my job, where I felt like I was constantly being beaten down. I was in a bad place, but because I was paid well, I covered up how I was feeling with fake friendships, parties, food, and a social circle.